new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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