either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
