I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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