Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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