watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
