now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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