He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize