At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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