Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize
