I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
