i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
