But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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