I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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