Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
