Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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