Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
