Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
