I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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