i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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