Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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