I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
