im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
