Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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