Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize