I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
