There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
