She is in my trunk
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We are two peas in an std pod
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
