Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
