You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
