Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
