Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
then he tried to convert me to islam
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
