just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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