The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
