Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
