i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
