I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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