the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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