just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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