what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
