I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
