But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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