I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
