Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
