You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
