Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
