I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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