i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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