Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
