...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize