So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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