After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
