i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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