I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
