I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
