I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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