she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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