it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
