Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
