You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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