trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I need to sanitize my soul.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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