We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
