I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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