peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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