....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize