saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
