My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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