Got a toothbrush?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
