I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
